It’s been five years since you died. The world has moved onward in huge ways… in tiny meaningful moments. You might care about some of those changes. Others you’d scoff at and claim no change happened at all, just re-iterations of things that had already been. You would giggle and tell a silly story unrelated to the change and peppered with malapropisms. It would all be awkward and I would be glad for the meeting to end. Yet somehow here in this moment five years later I can’t help wishing you were still here to scoff, and giggle, and tell your disjointed stories. I miss you today.

rip Mom, love you,
April 2, 1931 - August 25, 2009

  07:01 pm, by artaux

Father’s Day 2014 - Javits Center NYC - Comic Book Convention

Kid’s first con. Happy dad, happy boy, happy mom.

Costume and comic book bliss.

  09:07 pm, by artaux

The empty pain of loss

There are days, like today when I miss you so much it physically hurts. When something impossible happens and my gut reaction turns to ‘mom would care, she would listen and at least provide some comfort.’ That’s when the pain really sets in because you aren’t there.

Instead there is an empty wound.

So the pain can’t be soothed. It can’t find solace. I only find silence and darkness.

It’s when I feel the most lost and helpless that losing you hurts so deeply. Because no matter how fucked up our relationship was you always listened. Even if your advice was often crazy and unhelpful it was there.

You were just present and that meant something.

It took your absence to make that clear.

Miss you mom. Wish you were here.

12:33 pm, by artaux
Here we are again. That holiday time. This whole year feels like some happy blissful slippery thing. Perhaps that is what all of them will feel like from here on out. Full of joy and moving entirely too fast for our liking.

Time does not just fly when you are having fun it moves at light speed.

2014 here we come …
06:17 pm, by artaux

Out on a beam there you go, so brave.
Breath caught tightly in my chest with you so high up above the world.
Hold on tight little man I will be here when you turn the corner headed for home.
Letting out that trapped air, relief to see you safe, both of us just a little older.

  03:49 pm, by artaux 1

Dude you are totally seven…
Not six or five or any of that baby stuff anymore. You are so firmly planted in this big boy world.

It’s been a roller coaster kind of year. There were times I wasn’t sure if we were all gonna make it out with limbs intact. Yet here we are and you are… seven!

I’m so proud of you. So lucky to be your mom. Happy Birthday kiddo.

Momma always loves you.

  12:13 am, by artaux

There are no more left


After watching one of mom's all time favorite kid movies:
Kid: Well that's it!
Mom: What is it?
Kid: I've seen all the kids movies there are on earth to see.
Mom: I guarantee you this is not true.
Kid: Oh yes, it's true after 'The Never Ending Story' there are no more kids movies.
Mom: Hmm, you may have a point there kiddo.
07:44 pm, by artaux 1

Feb 2013 
Reader

  07:38 pm, by artaux 1

We made it through Xmas! Hope yours was special if you celebrate.

  11:50 am, by artaux 1

milestone: bottom two front teeth lost. first on December 8th. second, er… kick me, a few days later.

we kept the first one in a safe place. he lost the second at school and then never brought it home but who cares really what was I gonna do keep a box of all his baby teeth?

now that’s a gruesome little thought. one is enough. maybe we will keep the last one if possible.

our baby is growing up. how strange to watch the last pieces of his babyhood fall off him.

he will tower over me before long. already more than half my size. what will it be like to look up at him instead of down?

it makes me all so emo.

  01:35 pm, by artaux

end

well the apocalypse didn’t happen so maybe i should think about what to do with the next 40-50 yrs of life.

01:25 pm, by artaux 1

laughingsquid:

Grumpy Cat Tattoo

This is possibly the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen today.

  09:17 pm, reblogged  by artaux 653

back to school

first grade

first impressions of a six year old.

"it’s loud.
I’m tired.
is it all the same?”

sigh. here we go again… chin up mommy somebody needs you.

  03:01 pm, by artaux 1

It’s been another 365 days, and then some.

You might not recognize the world you left behind. It hasn’t even been that long yet so much has conspired to alter your world. It’s different now. The place you left. It’s clean. There is a cleaning woman. A woman you couldn’t abide. How could you she might come in and sweep out all the safe things.

The roses you left, small and struggling, are thriving. Save for one, they bloom heartily. I’m told they look healthier this year than ever before.

He’s even spiffed up. After a quick brush with the reaper who missed his mark he is better than bad he’s good. A few rich relatives have died and he suddenly is comfortable. No more worry, no struggling, no more. He has a shiny new car and calls the housekeeper his ‘friend’. It’s all shits and giggles down there.

Then there is you. Yet, that hasn’t changed. You are still there collecting dust on the mantle. With the cheap box & the crooked cross you sit waiting for that place you were promised. I hope the ‘new him’ comes to his senses and spends some of that new money on giving you your final wish.

I want to be able to visit you. It’s silly, I know you aren’t there but I want it so badly. Here’s hoping next year we’ll be talking about the new you.

Now, I just miss you. Like a little girl. And you will never be back. This is real. It is forever. You are gone from me. I am free and it is sometimes sad.

  01:02 am, by artaux