There are days, like today when I miss you so much it physically hurts. When something impossible happens and my gut reaction turns to ‘mom would care, she would listen and at least provide some comfort.’ That’s when the pain really sets in because you aren’t there.
Instead there is an empty wound.
So the pain can’t be soothed. It can’t find solace. I only find silence and darkness.
It’s when I feel the most lost and helpless that losing you hurts so deeply. Because no matter how fucked up our relationship was you always listened. Even if your advice was often crazy and unhelpful it was there.
You were just present and that meant something.
It took your absence to make that clear.
Miss you mom. Wish you were here.